The juggle struggle.

In 2012 I finally graduated from University. It took years longer than it should have, a change in degree and way too many failed attempts at Introduction to Quantitative Analysis before I realised this whole time I had been doing the wrong thing. You see, rather than choosing to submerse myself in European history, Spanish Language classes and the odd Journalism unit; I chose to drag my feet through Macro and Micro economics lectures and Statistics tutorials. Why? I don’t really know. I suspect it had something to do with this idea of a perfect life plan. Go to Uni, graduate, get a good paying city job, buy a house and live happily ever after in your suburban wonderland with the picket fence, SUV and golden retriever. For some, this works, for me, it hasn’t quite clicked yet and thats because so far I have devoted my prime days to living the dream I think I should be living and not the one I want to live. I’ve been trying to do all the right things in the eyes of my parents and teacher like I’m back to being an awkward 16 year old in high school. The funny thing is, my parents just want me to be happy, they don’t care if I am an underwriter or an undertaker.

Last year I took a leap and applied for a post graduate Certificate of Communications, I got in. Pretty much at the same time, I also landed myself a new job in one of the world’s largest insurance companies. It was a brilliant opportunity to climb the corporate ladder. I remember meeting other new employees in corporate induction, each one impressed with the opportunities my new role could lead to. Needless to say, I bit off more than I could chew. I went from a little family business in the suburbs to city corporate. My days were longer and the work more intense. My new colleagues were supportive and kind but something had to give. As studying doesn’t pay the bills my studies took a dive and I shamefully failed my first unit. What made it even more difficult to swallow was that the failure stemmed from completely forgetting to do my final assignment. Three weeks after it was due I finally remembered it! I took the job knowing full well it was going to be demanding and difficult to juggle my two lives, that of professional and that of student. I took the job because my previous employer was sucking the life out of me and it was a make or metal break scenario. I have no regrets on that front but I do regret my first attempt at doing something for me.

Fast forward 4 months and my probation is up, my team leaders are happy with my progress, my weekday routine has been established and my belly is full of the fiery desire to get back in the saddle and commence my studies once again. Do I think my second attempt will wind up like my first, no. This time I’m already running on the waves created by a happy healthy work ethic. My headspace is completely different this time. My new job and colleagues have taught me more than I could ever know. I need to put myself first, stop choosing the subjects I think I should and start choosing the subjects I’m interested in. Stop convincing myself I’m too tired or that It’s too complicated. This time round I am happier, healthier, a little lighter and focused. Rather than stressing about textbooks and essays I’m excited to learn!

 

 

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