It’s only the beginning.

Sunlight over the Isle of Pines. July 2016

I hate my job, like, really, really HATE my job. Have you ever thought about how nice it would be to have a small car accident on the way to work? Nothing major, just a few sore muscles and a sick note for a few days? I have.

As is the case with, what I imagine to be most young people creeping ever closer to the dirty thirties, I, Catherine, find myself struggling. Every damn day is a struggle. I work in insurance, it’s a job I now despise in an industry that I have absolutely no interest in. My motivation is dwindling and my waist line is not and to top it all off, I am terrible at picking and sticking to hobbies so every now and then a deep and overwhelming feeling of boredom hits hard. That being said, today I am happy. Today I am the happiest I have been in quite some time. It has finally dawned on me that there really is no point crying over spilt milk. Complaining isn’t going to get me anywhere and it’s time I knuckled down and made my own happiness. There is light at the end of the tunnel I built out of misery and boredom and now I plan on running full pelt towards the sunshine, saggy breasts flowing in the wind as I do so. No really on that last part, I wont burn my bra just yet.

Let me take you back to Tuesday morning three weeks ago. I sat in yet another interview for yet another insurance job that I didn’t want. Insurance just isn’t my thing. I don’t think it was dad’s either but he has stormed along like a boss for the last thirty years regardless. He’s the real superman! So there I sat, trying to look as professional and employable as possible despite this being the first time I had woken up before 10 am over the last two weeks due to a fabulous cruise around the Pacific Islands with the boyfriend. I have heard of people having one of those moments where time sort of stops all around you, a real light bulb moment where the millions of cells in your brain go “D’oh! why didn’t I think of that!?” and on that morning it finally happened to me and it actually felt tremendous. Two little words uttered by the middle aged woman conducting the interview was all it took. Divine dissatisfaction!

I still don’t really know what it truly means but it sure as hell made me realise that I had to stop focusing on the narrow minded view that another insurance job was going to solve all my problems. It wont, it won’t even come close to fixing up all the blotchy smudge marks on the bigger picture of my life. I am dissatisfied and not just with the culture at work (by the way, what is that even?) or the lack of support from upper management or even the Goliath fight for the photocopier (it was a tough fight but we got there in the end), I am dissatisfied with my whole bloody life! It was like that time travelling spin through the universe they do in cartoons where the character in question learns the secrets to everything! I am ready for change! Finally, and rather embarrassingly for someone my age, for the first time in possibly ever, I have goals. Not the goals we all sort of set at the start of the new year with every intention of keeping for at least the first week but proper, brilliant goals that I am so excited to work towards. I will study and learn more about those things I am passionate about. I will write more. I will leave my job to find one I actually enjoy. I will show some maturity and willpower and get healthy! I am nearly 30 and probably, totally jumping on the goal bandwagon way too late but I don’t care! I’m bringing happy back!

Now wish me luck! I am 100% sure I will definitely need it!